exakr-lifestory.tumblr.comSo, where do I start?
Do I start from the very beginning, or do I start from the reason why I’m writing this in the first place?
Perhaps I should start with the reason why I started this blog, since I suspect most of you will be directed here after reading press reports of the incident that triggered this.
Let me fill you in on my side of the story.
I have been trying to find a proper, stable job for over half-a-year now. My previous job was as a temporary admin at Informatics, a job that sucked hard, with disgustingly long hours, disgusting environment, disgusting pay, and a disgusting commute. I hated it, and I swore to myself not to take such jobs ever again. Unfortunately, my choice is limited - I will explain why at a later time - and this has been frustrating me, along with other matters I will explain later.
Fast-forward to 5th of June, this year.
I was going to Dhoby Ghaut by bus from my home in Sembawang to get something fixed. At Thomson, this old lady pressed the stop bell at the last minute, to which I told her not to the next time.
She just simply and suddenly shouted back at me for that.
I ask: who doesn’t get angry over something like this, trying to advise someone on the proper way of doing things, only to be shouted back at for no rhyme or reason?
Obviously I was not happy with this, and because of this an argument broke out between the two of us. In a fit of anger, I threatened her to either get off the bus or that I will slap her, to which she said, “No! I won’t get off this bus! So what?!”.
All I wanted was her out of the way so I can continue my journey.
So I give her a light push to get her off the bus.
I never ever wanted to injure or hurt her in any way, nor did I ever have any intention to make her fall, or to really harm her in any way.
But fall she did, and hurt herself lightly she did, and for that, I was really both shocked and sorry about it. At that point of time though, I was just angry, I was just pissed, and I just want to continue my journey without this old lady holding up things.
I did not wish to go into details on between what happened next and when the police arrived, but what I can say is that I did intend to leave the scene just so I can continue my journey, but something - a sense of responsibility, a sense of having to give a proper explanation - took me back there. I knew I had to be responsible for everything that happened.
In the back of my mind, I knew things might get blown out of proportion, so I called my dad to inform him of what happened, just in case. As his job was relatively mobile, he decided to drive down to the scene to have a look at the situation.
Eventually the police and ambulance services arrived, and both me and the old lady were interrogated while the commuters were ushered onto another bus.
I informed the police that I have been having some emotional instability this past few weeks, owing to how I wasn’t able to secure a good job and certain items in the news, and that I myself am struggling with psychological issues (obsessive-compulsive disorder, clinical depression, autism-spectrum disorder), and that I never intended to injure the lady, that everything happened as a culmination of a lot of anger that has been simmering inside me.
This was conveyed to the old lady, who understood my situation and was willing to drop the matter as long as I offered an apology, which I gave and she accepted.
The next day (yesterday), I was called down to the police station to give a statement regarding the incident. I was told by the officer that, if not for my remorse and the fact that I have some psychological issues, I could definitely have been charged. I said in my statement that again, I felt remorse over the incident, that I have offered my apologies to the old lady who accepted it, and that I’m actually worried over her condition. The officer said that he will do his best to get just a stern warning over the matter from his supervisor, given the mitigating factors, to which I’m grateful for for him to do that.
Now, you might ask, where did all this anger come from?
I was reflecting upon the whole incident afterward, when I realised that, ultimately, my anger all stemmed from incidents that happened earlier in my life, anger that otherwise had nowhere to go.
But first, the immediate sources: why so much anger in me?
Firstly, the aforementioned inability to find a good job. My later posts will give you more insight about this but let me just go through this quickly.
Yes, I admit: I’m picky about jobs, but who doesn’t want a comfortable job doing what he/she likes? Unfortunately, my qualifications has excluded me from all but dead-end temporary jobs, and as I mentioned earlier, my last job was disgusting and emotionally drained me out.
Add to the fact that your parents have been pushing you to get a job for ages, and the shame of being a 25-year-old having to financially depend on your dad.
Singapore is such a society in that everything requires both money and qualifications to chase dreams; I have a lot of dreams, but how to chase such dreams when you lack both?
Again, all will be revealed later on.
Secondly, that recent accident involving the PRC-driven Ferrari at Bugis.
That really got a lot of nerves fraying in Singapore, but it stuck an extreme chord in me, as I see it as an incident where rich foreign trash ruins the dreams of a local working-class family, killing off their sole breadwinner. When I read how the taxi driver’s daughter may have to delay her studies because of this incident, it stuck an especially hard chord in myself, for I know how it is like to have your studies, your dreams, to be taken away by bastards.
I know that feeling, as I was there myself.
In fact, at one point I got so angry that I really took a knife and told my father, “let’s go kill some Chinamen”. Of course, my dad had to literally physically stop me from doing so, but my anger remained.
And quite unfortunately, my anger, which had nowhere to go, had to be released on an innocent old lady.
Again, I deeply apologise to the old lady, and I wish her no lasting harm.
Link
Related:
Man says sorry for pushing elderly woman off bus - Yahoo! News Singapore
Elderly woman abused by 25-year-old man on SMRT bus
Video: Man pushes old woman out of the bus - inSing.com
61 comments:
Hi Alex,
Please get in touch with Gilbert Goh who may assign you a job counselor.
http://www.transitioning.org/
Take care
Stop making sorry excuses for your action! Go get an education and some manners to boot!
The worse thing a MAN can do is to blame society and his job for pushing an old lady like you did. There is no excuse or reason for your actions. The ability for you to suddenly comprehend reasons and write a comment as above only shows that you are somewhat educated and know how to at least use spell-check before you blurt out your badly worded verbal curses. You had better take this as a lesson to control yourself young man.
if you're genuinely sorry for hurting the innocent old lady, terminate your senseless ranting, stop making excuses with job stress - a person like you does not deserve any employer to offer a proper, stable job.
Seek help.
People like you should spend long hours in a disgusting environment- a place I call Changi Prison.
Seek help before you cause someone severe injuries.
Culmination of a lot of anger does not entitle you to the safety of another individual, control it, if not.
Seriously, seek help.
This is your personal problem not the economy furnishing you with a cushy job you enjoy.
nowhere to go? the only thing that's disgusting is your ranting and the twisted arguments you are making.
If you're ashamed of yourself, don't behave like a pig and make other people ashamed of you.
Seek help before you take a chopper to kill innocent foreigners.
If you are truly sorry, suggest you terminate all the senseless blogging in defense of your miscreant actions.
The boy needs help. Then again, the lady was just asking for it. Those who think they are in the right deserve to be thrown out of the bus.
Alex, can I just say...or rather advise....that you watch the video that someone took of you again.
Can I advise that despite your backpedalling after the fact, the best thing to do is to just say you are sorry and that you were wrong. Rather than getting defensive which makes you look unremorseful, = bad...worse than before.
Alex you annoying whiny cunt. No it is not normal to get angry that she pressed the bell at the last minute you stupid twat. You're always the victim aren't you? Bullied in school and ns you say. Maybe it's not other people. Maybe its cos of you. Maybe its cos you are a fucking retard and everyone hates you everywhere you go. I don't understand why the people on the bus didn't slap your complaining pansy ass. If I see you i swear to god i'll slap you. You psycho bastard.
If I was there to witness your disgraceful, bullying actions, you would need to spend a few days in hospital. Next time you lose your temper, have the balls to pick on a younger man, instead of an elderly woman, you coward!
Stop making excuses, you had a choice and you chose to get angry at her and push her.
You need professional help and there's a pace for you at changi prison.
Alex you don't vent your anger on a weaker older citizen. Shame on you idiot.
You behave as if she wanted to piss you off intentionally. You should put yourself in her shoes.
So everybody facing problems should push a defenseless and vulnerable old lady down the bus?
Regardless of your life circumstances, it is wrong for you push the old lady. Threatening to slap her can be considered a threat of violence and CAN BE prosecuted by law. The very fact that you pushed her shows how uncouthly and violent you are. Blaming society for your mistake is cowardly and at best, a form of escapism.
Get some help, you seem to have anger management issues. And dont worry we all have problems in life, just of different magnitudes. Life is unfair, live with it, or dont.
It is great that you have issued a public apology, just wanted to say my piece and make myself feel better about this whole issue.
I hope that the hype surrounding this unfortunate event will go away and that you will get some help for your current predicament.
Good luck and peace.
Don't make excuses
It is just wrong to push an elderly off the bus just like that. And when you do something wrong, you just apologize. You don't blame it on the society, aren't you a part of the society too?
Stop explaining YOUR side of the story. What did you learn from your parents and schools? Absolutely nothing. You should see a psychiatrist soon.
What is done cannot be undone. If someone pushes your parents down the bus. How will you feel? Worse still. Push the blame. Yes. You might be sick. But you have no rights to act like a BOSS.
Stop creating excuses. You hating the society does not give you the right to vent whatever anger you've kept inside on a helpless old woman (though she may have been harsh with her words).
Alex, most of us do not have a job we enjoy, but we learned to like it. You should do the same otherwise your outburst will happen again. You may have got off lightly this time but not the next time. Seek help and stop ranting !
Get some psychiatric help. u need it big time
Alex, you are a f**king coward! Pick someone that can match you. Only sissy will pick a weaker opponent! If you are sincerely sorry about the incident, then you should not blame it on ther things! It shows you cant face the problems like a man! Please go for a sex change to "complete your sissy transformation"! You are a f**king disgrace to men! You better hide your sorry face from the public!
Alex, there is humility in what you wrote and did aftermath that saved you, without which you would probably not be able to write all this.
Hope the rest of us can see this as an example of courage and boldness to face the fear of public's criticism even when one is at fault.
The act he did is not commendable but how he reacts to it is definitely something to learn from.
Alex consider yourself lucky. It's only in Singapore where the rest of the passengers were passive except for one man who meekly tried to confront you.
If you were abroad, you would have been beaten up flat and square.
Unfortunately, a glimpse of what can be said of Singapore society from that experience is that the people has no sensation of what is right and what is wrong because may be the people have been suppressing themselves too much for too long.
It is truly sad to have reached this state of mind but what to do?
all the reasons that you gave, they still don't give you a reason to do what you did. and if you were truly sorry why are you still saying that people shouldn't blame you coz of your "situation"? defending your actions like that shows that you're not remorseful. and look, your situation may be bad, so what? everybody has bad days, but we don't go around killing people who made us mad right?
Come on, be mature, this kind of attitude and this emotional sucker, with this sucks personality, I'm sure you will definitely NEVER get a stable job and you don't deserve to be a human too! May God bless you.
Stress?? Gosh...please do some charity work next time and open your eyes to see those unfortunate one, those who are 1000x more unfortunate than yourself. We were lucky to be living in Singapore...in other countries, u may not even walk out alive from that bus, seriously...u know, they like to take matter in their own hands over there...
My advise is stop making excuses. Nobody's perfect...you made a mistake, move on and make sure dont repeat that again and please do some charity work, it will helps.
'both money and qualifications to chase dreams; I have a lot of dreams, but how to chase such dreams when you lack both?'
I think you need to do more chasing and less dreaming. You still have your youth. Don't let it go to waste. Yep, definitely a lot more chasing to do...
A man who blames the whole world instead of reflecting upon himself is seriously and thoroughly a broken person. I cannot believe my eyes when I saw u shove the old lady down the bus with brute force. Imagine if your mum were to be shoved like that. She is someone's mum too. If you think that you can ride on this incident and be infamous, you are so wrong. I do not think that seeking help is gona help you much if you do not sit down and think how you can change. Disgusting, mannerless and a shame to Singaporeans is all I think of. You put yourself to shame and embarrassed your parents.
Wow, seriously, of all the many excuses you could come up with for causing voluntary hurt to an elderly lady, is the Ferrari crash incident?
Dude, you're just making things worse for yourself. A simple honest and sincere apology is sufficient. Nothing justifies what you did, and surely the stated excuses aren't supposed to make us emphatisze with you, or are they?
Man, you need a hug. Followed by a slap from your mama cos you're beig real foolish. Please grow from this.
Disgusting. I only wished I was on the bus so I could really give you the slaps you so deserve to WAKE THE F UP.
It is NOT OKAY to blame society and other external circumstances for your behaviour nor predicament. You have made choices to be where you are. True, you might have been a bit unlucky, but almost everyone has.
SO SUCK IT UP.
Remedy your previous mistakes by working hard, not WHINING LIKE A BABY.
GROW THE F UP.
For Goodness sake please.......The Old lady does not in anyway able ti defend against and yet you took the low road. If I were on the bus I swear I would have break the daylight out of you. Not to worry I will claim insane like you and see who the Judge believe.
Hi.
I Wrote A Little Something About OCD: Facebook.Com/AdelledAdelleda
Please Think About It
trying to justify something wrong will not right it. and get your head out of your ass you self-centered prick. a lot of people went through life worse than you and came out with more humanity.
Hi Alex,
I'm not going to follow the crowd and condemn you. You have already expressed remorse.
Your parents are noble people who must have tried very hard to help you succeed in life. How else would you have been educated and and able to write on a blog even?
Please do not disappoint them further.
You have to work hard to overcome your disadvantages and your anger. First step is not to blame others for your own actions and emotions.
Take responsibility and be a man.
Do what is right.
If you succeed in controlling yourself, you will make your parents proud. It does not matter you have a good paying job or not.
Who am I anyway?
I am just another parent of an angry autistic kid.
Ernest Tan
personally, i feel the real reason behind this behaviour is that he's a bus otaku. look it up on google.
i don't believe his claims of mental illness until there's sufficient evidence.he did a good job of misleading everyone though
You need to seek for psychiatrist because there's no sane explanation to what you have done.
Please be aware of your own limit as you have sort of threatened the society safety if such high level of stress makes you think it's okay to do/say something inhumane.
I dont condone his actions, but it leaves one much to ponder why he can't find a job. His written English is better than most people.
Attitude.
Hi Alex
We (my student and I) feel your pain and anguish, even though we do not condone with your deplorable action towards the elderly passenger.
Tough as it is, we must try to control and rein in our tumultuous emotions when they attempt to surface.
However, we believe that you can recover from this episode and to be a stronger (and wiser) person.
Take care and all the best!
P.s. Try to take the MRT the next time. No one presses bells. Teehee :)
Pls gv this man a break?Everything was settled right?To Alex,jusr carry on with your daily life as usual..wish you the best of luck
Alex- you may be unfortunate in some sense, but I saw your FB post, and you have some amazing friends who are willing to be there for you, people who care. You have a father who seems to understand you and be there for you. And for this, I consider you very lucky.
I was depressed, too, and I lost both my parents at the age of 11 and had to stay with relatives who treated me like junk. But did I let that be my excuse not to succeed? Hell no. I worked hard to prove them all wrong, that even though my parents may have done something not exactly right, I can choose my own path and be my own person. And I did, in my own sense.
So what I'm trying to say is, the world can throw all sorts of bullshit at you, hurl insults at you, take away what they think matter most to you, but at the end of the day, whether you're gonna sit down there and sob and whine that the world is unfair, or thank the world for giving you all that shit so that you can grow and be better than them, is entirely up to you.
And lastly, do think about getting help. Depression can be cured. I have been there, and I'm telling this.
Cheers.
You should send flowers to the elderly victim.^^
I am not convinced by your explanation on your blog.
What has the ferrari incident got to do with your anger on the old lady? It happened 3-4 weeks ago and the old lady that you pushed has certainly no relation with your hatred for chinamen. Therefore, your excuse is LAME.
You should stay at home and not to be a social menace.
bye :)
U should get down the bus instead. Next time u are angry, walk away or keep yourself in a room till u feel better.
This person really ketok you ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpjJOQemkHQ&feature=youtu.be
STOP making excuses for yourself. You wrote very well and so you are educated and hence it seems you can get away with all incredible well written excuses! I am not buying it. Thank goodness that old lady is not my mum. Otherwise I will definitely sue upside down and make sure you stay in jail.
Everybody has stress and hence manage it on our own. If I have stress, does it mean I can take on you and your family?! Be a man and stop blamiang thr society.
Alex,though what u did was not graceful.i hope u'll learn ur lesson through this.I've more empathy towards ur parent who struggle so long n hard to raise u up.As a special need child's parent myself it was n still is very hard to raise my precious child.hope u'll think about ur parent when u encounter such incident in future,I know it'll hard for u too for being that special need person.please don't blame everyone around you,i also have a $4/hr job which i can hold only 15 hr a week.Just try to apprecite that ur at least High functioning person.Some special needs are more worse then u,do look around then u'll be glad of ur situation.please try to get more spiritual help which so ever belief u follows.it'll help u greatly & good luck to u.time will heal u just stay positive tat's my advice to u
go to night school. it helps.
try psychology...
Dear Alex,
The readers here will try hard to sympathize with you.
You are skilled in writing your justification and shown no sign of depression.
Your behavior has absolutely nothing to do with the PRC's Ferrari accident,
Finding a jobs without good paper qualification and little unique skills surely will not be easy to succeed, BUT all said and heard you are still a big bully towards a , old lady who has nothing to do with your "misery"
Pushing an old lady or anyone off the stopped bus is a clear sign of your violent nature, can we rule and see the world as we want ?!
You should be reasonable dealt with by the authority.
Hope the punishment will lead you to a better rational mentality.
Alex is a faggot, he has a QUEEN mentality. That is a fact. He is PMSing ... stop blaming no work la ... you are just incapable and then on that day you wanted to be a DRAMA QUEEN ok!
Dear Alex,
Recently I had read this novel called "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult where I gained a little knowledge on the Aspergers Syndrome (one of the disorders on the autism spectrum which was said that u were diagnosed with in some online articles), how one'll blow off their top easily and how one can't control their emotions.
At first, I really hope I could stand in the your shoes and experience what u've encountered on 5 Jun, but it was over my limits after looking at how u pushed the old lady out of the bus. I was furious to be exact. However, I was glad when u said u stayeduntil the police came because u wanted to be responsible for a trouble that u've caused. I guess u must have mustered lots of courage to apologize and I respect u for that.
I mean, who doesn't make mistakes? Well, I do too!
Hmmm..but I can't agree with the part where u stated that ur actions towards the old lady was brought abt by the Ferrari incident and how u wanted to kill them. It appeared to me as an excuse.
Well, all I could say is that: Though it may be difficult for u to fully control ur emotions due to ur illness, but I sincerely hope that u would work on that little by little. I'm sure u'll get there one day.
Also, finding excuses won't help. Ppl will probably forgive u if u had just stopped after apologising.
Lastly, I could sense that u were remorseful and regretful for what u've done. I hope u won't prove me wrong.
A few word from me: Learn from ur mistakes and move on. Get over the hurtful remarks. And find urself a job (u can make urself like it if u are willing to).
All the best.
U will never ever be employed n u may go stay at wood bridge so at least u can survive with food n water. I wish u long life in mental hospital.. gd luck
Do you have a proof you're clinically diagnosed with OCD? Why am I asking this, it's because it's what you're using as an excuse and I pity the people who actually has been diagnosed by OCD can be mislead by your claims. Google it.
- OCD is not core to anger and hostility according to research study.
- symptoms only show at the age of 30 and up. How are you again? if a
professional actually diagnosed you with OCD at 25. He needs to have his
licence revoked.
- Having OCD means you are practically incapable of rationalizing your actions.
But your facebook says otherwise. You're an intelligent person and you
understood exactly what you did. You fear the effects are directed to your
family now right? Fear is also a sign that you understand.
- That old lady needs to be encouraged to file a case against you. People will not
hesitate to make comments the same way you did not hesitate being a douchebag to
that lady - and the old man - and the other lady who tried to tell you off.
Instead of apologizing, you pushed the old man away and just "waddled off" with your
scarf. Right?
Someone even made a comment on your facebook saying to "just leave it alone, the issue will just disappear in time"? or something like that. Do you really think it will?
Why do people like me make it their business? It affects our generation somehow, making it seem that most young adults now can be such a -bleeep censor censor- like you. Don't blame it on society. Because society as we know it only sucks because of people like you with the same mentality and reasoning.
I hope it did occur to you that the old lady also has a family. She might forgive you but you think her family will? Be afraid of Karma. Believe it or not. It does bite back. Maybe not you directly. But when it does... lol.
Hey Alex,
I was working in very stressful environment too before. I was in financial industry. Imagine if Capital land is selling at 0.10 instead of 2.0??
I have depression like you before during recent economy crisis
but i tried whatever ways to cope with it. I told my family and gf about my problem but i not getting any support yet giving me pressure. End up they leaving me alone.
But i accept, i confront, and i won't give up to change myself to have better life! Find more books, reading, friends, counselor who can help you. You are still young and many things you can do to change your life.
Stay strong dude
Stop all your life teachings, he has regretted for what he has done and apologised. Instead of throwing flames at him, tell him not to repeat that mistake and try to attend some anger management classes(he needs that).
thx
Alex, our dear brother & sister, take a holiday in Thailand and see how the Thais smile despite the stress.
I do wish u well.
Alex, please get help immediately - i.e. a therapist/counsellor. If its a counsellor, someone who does more than just CBT/SFBT but will do some deeper work on anger, etc.
Please get help, Im not going to go on about what the rest are saying here, they are all correct. I seriously think you need help.
I know how stressfull Singapore is! I really do but how we react has got nothing to do with the other person, it has to do with what is going in inside/within us.
You are a loser , simple as that and boys like you should end up in jail and see how it really gets inside . Maybe you will end up there if you carry on lime this and try to justify hitting an old lady . I'm sure the boys in Changi are really anticipating for you to visit
First of all, I wouldn't not accept your excuses ' psychology depression' or anything,for pushing the lady. I wont believe it unless you are from mental hosp.That is a level of mental depression for someone who can hurt the people. You said she shouted at you back. For me, I wouldn't shout back at a stranger who is inability or old (its a rational thinking by a person who suffer most than you).
Second, Your reason is finding job. The way you try to explain is like you are advertising yourself. Not a sincere apologies. Third, I am a hell a lot have depression than you or struggles. But I'm trying my best to not show it to others around me. Not to think, hurt other people? wont solve anything but will add more to my prob.
Forth, by now, you should have realize that whatever excuses you are telling now wont be eaten by these community. Anything wont do it, unless you change. Fifth, No wonder you are still jobless. Who would want you to be their worker? Wont even handle stress. Life is full of these thing. those who weak will be consume by failure. Wont you even think?? When you work, you stress, and you let out your anger to one of the worker there. I can see all of that will happen just by looking at your action.
But then, I Know right now you are getting more stressed bcz of the media and people who doesn't know you but despise you. Or maybe you learn your lesson but still believe you are right. and will always right. Well, nevermind. You have your family and friends. I hope they can help to educate you more on handling you depression. Good luck.
I definitely think u were wrong to push her. But hey, right on abt go kill some fcking prc beasts!!!! Hahahaha. All I can say is the state is pretty fked up n while I think it was wrong u hurt the lady, it's pretty clear ur emotional state from the video. Take a gd hard look at ur selves those others commenting shit. If the boy n parents r shameless enough to fake illness, they are no better than cheating PRCs which the government imported n apparently encourage. If the boy is really having an emotional crisis, shame on all u commenters n may u one day have a loved one suffer the same. Or perhaps even urself. N may everyone else react the way u have.
Egocentric.
You say until like as if everyone's wrong and you're right.
Remember, you aint the one being pished out pf the bus, dude.
I hate whiners like you. to blame it on your situation. Be thankful you had a job! And you hated for what lame reasons? Why not blame yourself but not being satisfied witn the pay and the environment? Everyone needs to adjust to work. I bet you must have made everyone else around you miserable when you were working, complaining and pulling a sour face as to how come you weren't working int another place, the grass is greener. Bull.
loser. stop blaming it on your job. was your job miserable or yourself making the people around you at your job miserable because you kept complaining about how you didn't like it? whiner sissy singaporean guys like you are seriously on the rise...lame. i seldom see women complaining about their job but men. your job not enough pay...what...to pay for the beers you down at clubs? or the expensive food you wanna eat. loser
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